.....We're sorry to interrupt your regular broadcast but we have received unsettling news that, what can be described as massive force fields, have been reported from multiple locations in Canada and the United States. We've been informed that local emergency teams have been dispatched to these locations but we do not have any information about the origin of the force fields or what is causing them. So far, the reports indicate several wounded people who appear to have been in contact with the alleged force fields. While we're reporting this incredible news, reports of the phenomenon are pouring in. One report seems to indicate that the force fields go right through houses and vehicles. We will report everything we can to you but this could very well be a hoax. Hold on....our analysts tell us that the west coast seems unaffected by this as we have no...wait, actually, it appears that we could not reach our correspondents in the west so they could still be affected but we have no confirmation yet. This is frankly very hard to believe but...hold on...we...we are told that we are going off the air....and that the president will soon speak to the nation. Please stay tuned in for...more information. Jim, are we really going off the air? *indistinct response* ...but that's ridicu...
*Cire81 has logged on*
Cire81: Sup soup!
WTSouped: Dude...is your TV on?!
Cire81: no, let me turn it on, brb
WTSouped: No wait!
WTSouped: Well...yeah do turn it on...
Cire81: Uh...it says please wait? emergency?
WTSouped: I know! That's what I get too! The news said something about a huge "force field" in canada and in the states and then went off the air.
Cire81: wth...dude I just woke up, your joke sucks, what's the emergency? tornado?
WTSouped: ...eric, I'm not joking...even the news reporter didn't believe it
Cire81: what does that even mean, a force field?
WTSouped: No idea, it's what they said, the president is supposed to speak to the nation soon.
WTSouped: I'm talking to jenny too, she says we should go check it out
Cire81: what? go to canada? lol
WTSouped: no just go west and check it out
Cire81: jenny and her brillliant ideas...
Cire81: dude check this out, some guy on reddit.com linked this nutjob http://twitter.com/PaulKlaham/status/7245235326
WTSouped: hmm it says page doesn't exist...and why is the net so freaking slow?!
Cire81: yeah...my connection's acting weird too. but here, copy pasted. they must have deleted it right away.
If you were waiting for a sign from the Lord then you've got it, science can't explain what's beyond our comprehension, now's the time to submit to the lord's will and understand what's our place in this world. I've got a front seat row to this divine spectacle and if you were looking at what I'm looking at right now, you wouldn't doubt a single word of what I'm saying. Nobody will explain this but God himself. He gave us walls, or rather A great wall, to separate us, pure hearts, from the wicked. This, I believe, is the first step to his glorious return. He started this great process of divine selection and we must all do our part to help him. We must find the wicked, follow our heart and help God's final selection. Help us." by PaulKlaham
WTSouped: That's messed up...everyone and their mother are talking about it on facebook too
WTSouped: Even people in europe say they saw the "force fields", so it's in europe too??
Cire81: hell if I know dude...I'm reading a lot of weird shit on forums
Cire81: weird how big news site don't say shit about it...
WTSouped: So you wanna check it out? Anya's with you?
Cire81: Yeah man let's check it out, anya'S been out on a field trip with her bio class for a couple days
WTSouped: hmm alright
Cire81: she's back friday
WTSouped: Alright let's meet at my place in 30?
Cire81: dude I gotta shower first and...
Cire81: TV's back on
WTSouped: Hey dude TV's ba...yeah...
Cire81: gonna watch this brb
President of the United States
Good afternoon, what I'm about to say will sound like science fiction but is, in fact, a reality we are facing right now. You may have heard the reports of multiple force fields in Canada and in the United States. The reality is, and let me stress these words, the reality is, that there is one single force field, separating our planet in two hemispheres. Let me reassure you, there is no reason for panic. There is NO global danger emerging from this situation yet. Specialists from different fields of expertise have been contacted and are being transported to various locations in order to study, understand and resolve this crisis.
Since this event will mostly affect our communication network at first, I will now let Aneesh Chopra, our federal chief technology officer, explain the immediate technological ramifications entailed by the apparition of this force field.
Federal Chief Technology Officer
Good day. Preliminary test results have shown that the force field have severed all the land lines crossing it and that it also blocks radio waves. For now, communications with the other side of the force field is impossible. The Internet has also been severely affected as we have lost communication with several major backbones as well as regional ISPs along the force field's axis. The unchanging relative position of the force field indicates that it is synchronized with the Earth's rotation and therefore, all our geostationary satellites will stay operational. However, satellites with asynchronous orbits, namely observation and GPS satellites, will all collide with the force field within the next 48 hours. In layman's terms, television, radio and internet communications on our side of the force field will stay intact but we will lose access to many TV and radio stations, internet websites and some commodities like GPS services. Highly qualified teams are working on re-establishing the connection with the other side. Further technological implications will be discussed at a later time.
President of the United States
Thank you Mr. Chopra. The position of the force field approximately cuts us from the western half of Canada, the western half of the United States, all of Asia that is east of India, the eastern half of Russia, Indonesia and Australia. This may sound alarming but I can assure you that this is a temporary situation.
People will want to explain this phenomenon and will do so prematurely. Some will turn to their God for answers, some will turn to the virtues of science and some will claim to know things they, in fact, do not. Our best experts are working diligently to understand and explain this phenomenon. The best thing to do is wait for their findings.
Authorities have been dispatched to protect the public from the force field. However, the nature of the force field prevents us from securing its surface entirely. There have been deaths and injuries from being in contact with the force field. There also have been plane crashes related to this event, either by direct impact or from lack of fuel after a change of course. I want to take this moment to extend my sympathy to those who have suffered any kind of loss in this crisis. There will be more casualties if we do not act cautiously and responsibly. We ask the nation NOT to try to approach the force field, for all our sake.
Television and radio services will resume within the next hour and we will hold a press conference tomorrow morning, 18 hours from now, to answer more questions. There will be speculations but I ask you to behave rationally, calmly and wait for our official reports. There is not a single crisis that we haven't handled successfully in the past. This one will be no different.
God bless America. Thank you.